If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
