Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize