Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
