he thought i was a dude.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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