Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
