i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
