The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are the jesus of drinking
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize