At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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