what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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