Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
