i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize