I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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