dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
