It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
