sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
