Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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