Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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