Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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