Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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