Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
