Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
