She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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