I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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