my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
