From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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