So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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