This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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