I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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