i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he fucked my hip out of place.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
