Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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