Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
