saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
