I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone shit on the floor
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
