I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
