Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
