The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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