the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
