if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
