I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
