Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
