I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
