Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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