yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he thought i was a dude.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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