worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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