This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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