my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
