ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
