Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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