it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
