I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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