I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
