I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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