GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
