She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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