Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its not stalking. its research.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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