There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
