Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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