1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
