I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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