Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
