I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize