you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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