my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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