after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The ass gains better be worth it
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