i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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