i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
