I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
