Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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